Backup

I’ve always been on drugs for major deaths in my family….this is the first drug free death I’m doing…and honestly….um….I want drugs….I don’t know how to do this…..all this feeling pain and shit….fuck this.

R.I.P Coco Chanel no.5 Henderson
2001-2014

5 comments

  1. FEEL Athena, you need to feel. You have to feel so that you can experience it and let it go. Move up and out of it. The drugs just kept you stagnant and unmoving and unfeeling. It did nothing for you. When the drugs wore off the pain was still there wasn’t it? It didn’t allow you to experience it and let it go. The pain will subside and it you will be stronger for it. I know what I am talking about. You can do it and do it drug free!

    1. I will….I don’t have a choice…it’s just….blah….I’ve really never FELT anything before the past two or four years….and, losing my kids was gut wrenching….and now death of a family member? I thought Jesus loves me cause the Bible tells me so…..yeah…nah…I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just not allowed to have anyone to love.

      1. He does love you. Each hardship you have had happen, each thing that is going on that you feel is going to tear you apart and tear you down you will find will make you stronger as you get up again, and again. There were times that I thought he hated me for sure. But, when I look back over some of the events in my life and I take responsibility for them and allow the pain to shape me, I am stronger than I ever thought I would be. He has been with me always. I just didn’t realize it. The spirit is there to help you and to support you, not do it for you. Even when you wish it would. I know hon. Been there too.

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