I’m losing the fight to keep it together

Battle scarred, weary, my mind feels like leather

I have done my best to find the reserve but

I lost that this week, going around that curve

My latest entry in my log of shame….

I’m fucking used to that though, it’s always the same

that feeling that punches me as soon as I wake

and never lets up until I inebriate

and that’s been my only defense for so many years

putting stuff in me to kill all my fears

and stop fucking tears…..

fuck tears, I don’t want to cry

and I had to stop asking why

so long ago…because I know

I was born in this world to lose everything

It’s like that for some of us, though…only a sad song to sing….

I really did try that positivity thing

but it’s not helping me fake it anymore

Then I think to myself, what’s left in this store?

There’s nothing…the shelves are all bare

so is my head when I lose all my hair

from the raging sadness which never does cease

Only fleeting moments of “peace”….

I’ll never fulfill the terms on this lease

I want to die now.

I wanna go.

I don’t want to be here, there or anywhere



  1. I’m sorry you are having a shitty time of things honey. I love you and miss you daily. You were the one bright spot in my life when I was there in LA. I do hope things get brighter for you. For me as well. My lousy bf just texted me that he’s fucking some crackwhore in my bed while I am out doing our fucking laundry. How’s that for nice? I feel like returning the favor. Only I’m gonna get paid for fucking…screw that fucking for free shit. Fuck it. God I hate men.

  2. Sometimes it is very hard us to keep it together. I hope writing about it gives you some relief and know that you are not alone.

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