almost 400

I know I am too old to do what i do but i also know that the shit that I have been through can teach the kids who really want wanna learn how to defeat all their demons in their heads and under their covers hiding under their beds wrapped up in their disguise as some ass creepy uncle  or a boyfriend tellin lies tell them they loves them and only wants to hug them kiss them and touch them and then you gonna fuck em knowing that shit don’t really feel right your heart saying no and your head is saying fight and you’re trying to do both with all of your might..but nothing not a peep not a word til their all up inside you and then you feel absurd….like i didn’t even  really wanna even fuck this motherfucker …but I don’t have a real mom, a dad or a sister or a brother who i can tell that this mf making me suffer…if i did that it would be all this and that and i would be blamed and punished and wearing the dunce hat all up in the corner of my room where id always stay no going out to play and  i always hated may cause that was when I couldn’t stay at school anymore i had to be at home wasn’t nothing i could say being in my room even on the most sunny days….man I’m a good girl I do what I’m told yeah I get so mad cause all you do is scold even things i do that are fucking right you look so hard with every piece of your fucking might and you find the few mistakes that others wouldn’t sight and then you tell me how worthless that  i really am you send me to my room to sit in the darkness i don’t like no light cause you just  might see my tears and then youd tell me i was queer another thing added to the sights in my mirror that i see every day when i have to look up in it…putting on my makeup makes me want to skin it…my face i hate it every day when i was a kid i wished it go away….but it never did…in fact it did more…that gorgeous face mimi loved turned me straight into a whore who didn’t even know who was keeping score….i didn’t know the game i was playing, or the things the i was saying….to me i was just playing….but when you waste your young life doing things like me you finally grow up with eyes to see…and what you see is waste…nothing but wast IQ 180 but all i wanna taste is vodka mixed with any fucking thing….let me get drunk so I can sing and i can dance all the things i couldn’t do when i had the chance….NO NO THAT’S NOT FOR YOU…..YOU ALREADY GOT TOO MUCH JAZZ IN YOUR BUTT AND YOU CAN NEVER BE BETTER THAN YOUR SISTER THAT I MADE OR ILL UPPERCUT YOUR ASS TO KID THAT’S BEEN PLAYED… have no mother except for me and I hate you don’t you see?  I know you do, and I know you telling daddy, but don’t you see?  I got him by the balls all his checks go to me….the plan i made from the very fucking start in 1979 never fell apart i thought it would a couple of times but with all your trouble and all your crimes it was easy to dismantle all your credibility i know he loved you most but you were nothing but a disabilty to this whole entire family….you were way too smart for your own fucking good, you wouldn’t play the game like a good girl should….you liked to talk back with a bunch of stupid smack and now that I’m seventy I can say “whack”….you words were “whack” your reactions were “whack” now i got what I want cause your father knows your black…and your sister is white…and she is dynamite, even though she fucking hated him til i was outta sight…must be that plot of land that your shack is built on…and when ya’ll die, say goodbye, cause it’ll be a lawn of a big fat ass house that your daughter sells it to….if it was me I’d burn your house but I’m not allowed to, by the law or by your will cause you cut me out the whole damn deal…I loved you most and now I’m toast and now you boast about the ghost whose blonde and hate you for her whole entire life until you put the fucking knife right in back, without no slack, UNCLE CHUCK I KNOW YOUR PLIGHT!

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